let's play ball, hardball

I need a lawyer, bottom line. I thought this proud squirrel (me, you idiots) could handle "the man" on my own, represent myself, with dignity. But alas, I've discovered, once you are a part of this penal system, you are playing their game and the only way out is to play with their balls. I need a decent lawyer soon. I've got to get through this parole hearing in April, so I have come up with a way to raise money for my legal defense fun