it's bigger on the inside, baby

Dear mrs. squirrel,
I see you commented on my last post.  Oh, and I am so relieved to read that you are alive...Read: sarcasm.  This is my house now (re: the clump of leaves held together with bird-spit in the middle of this photo).  When you left me, we were in a 3.5 million dollar home with signed masterpieces of French Impressionism hanging on the walls.  Now, I usually wake up to a god-damn crow standing over me with his eye on my pinkie ring. Child support?  Where is my child?  Come on over and let's talk about it.  Let's not sort this out on the internet.  Let's do it squirrel to squirrel, in the language I taught you to speak; the language of love. There's a five-pack in the fridge right now, a four-pack in the fridge right now...just hurry - i'm waiting...and i'm in the mood to "talk" all night l-o-n-g.
-sw

knowing more about nothing, is knowing less about something

Okay, I feel like addressing all of you who are sending me hate email about accepting unemployment.  Most of the emails talk about me having a lack of pride.  From this squirrel's perspective, all you people with jobs are domesticated corporate house pets.  There is neither direct nor implicit honor in a job - making or selling crap nobody should believe they need - even if your were trained to believe otherwise.  There is honor in feeding and providing for yourself and your family (I would if I knew who they were), and a work-for-pay job may be the best means to accomplish that, but only an idiot would be happy about a situation where he or she had to labor for the incrementally, or exponentially, greater monetary benefit of another person or corporation in the business of providing, Stuff.  Better Stuff, cheaper Stuff, new Stuff, or more Stuff, in the end, it's still all just Stuff.  Please, if you must, justify any pride you take in your new, improved Stuff without asking me to thank you for your arrogance, greed and ignorance.
 I will admit that, as a model, capitalism is a lot like nature - and not necessarily unfair.  Like nature, capitalism does mimic the "fairness" of a random-luck sorting filter and then apply survival of the fittest.  But is that really the best we can come up with?  Birthright followed up with a cage-match for the leftovers?  Gosh, what kind of self-respecting squirrel wouldn't want to galvanize his self-esteem in that current? This kind right here, me. I don't want your system, I don't like your system, screw your system.
But hey, all you hard workers, keep it up - I'm counting on you; and, by-golly, I'm proud of you...does that help? 

So, it has been awhile since I posted my status. To catch you up... I took a job as a school teacher over the summer break.  School started.  I Got fired.  Good.  Idiots.  And I have been collecting unemployment ever since.  Good.  Since then, I have gotten more than a few emails (and the photo attached) from folks who seem to think I am taking government handouts and should be ashamed.  First of all, that is not me in the photo.  If it was a photo of a squirrel attached to the face of some a-hole handing out stale pretzels, with me putting a bad-ass beat-down on him, maybe me, but this is definitely NOT me.  
I need a nap.  I'll complain about you morons who think I should get a job, tomorrow.  If I feel like it.  

I had given up on this blog.  More about that in tomorrow's post.  You all disgust me.  And I was going to be happy forever in my own hatred of you, quiet and unshared.  But then I got an email, from jimmy the wanker, of course.  He says he was worried about me and that there were pictures circulating on the internet.  Pictures that indicated I died in North Korea.  Granted, this is how I should be remembered when that fateful day arrives, but this is photoshopped crap.  I really am handsome though, big, and hard to deny.  Anyway, prepare to get smarter, tomorrow I address ignorance and stupidity.  jimmy... yoohoo... knock, knock.