shhhh

It isn't news, but jimmy embarrassed himself again - Re: Smooch.  jimmys lips are more like heaven's butthole than a dewdrop.  I cannot be bothered by jimmy any longer.  I have been spending quite a bit of time meditating and expressing my qi energy through Reiki healing (I have a certificate).  I am a pretty bad-ass healer now; but more important than healing others, I am personally breaking through to a new, higher level of metaphysical understanding.  From this new perspective, it is very clear to me that the rest of you are even less important than I had previously guessed.  hmm. om.
So, why am i blogging, you should ask.  I will most likely merge into a higher plane, leaving no earthly trace.  And it will probably happen soon, again, it just seems likely.  So, in what-remains-of the meantime, if you send me $20 and an extremely brief explanation of your malady, I will Reiki heal you of anything.  Hurry, I am about to be assimilated.

Nightmare on Poop Street...Number Two

The recent snowmelt has revealed another demonic dropping in my yard.  jimmy waxes on in his typical vainglorious, self-obsessed, pitiful, style-less style, regarding his snow pile...while, as usual, I have real problems with piles in the snow.  What is this?  It cannot be of, or from, goodness. This is evil, come from evil.  I am posting this so you, my beloved fans, will know that if any woe, malaise, or infirmity befalls me, there was something brewing in the dark cauldron of sorcery that is jimmy. Hoodoo voodoo witchery I tell you.  Well, curse you right back jimmy. A squirrel's pox be upon you jimmy.  And keep your crap-happy dog out of my yard.

nightmare on poop street...or, living next to jimmy, welcome to the neighborhood

Unfortunately, I have seen more than my fair share of varied-species turds in my time on this planet, and this is THE most frightening poop I have ever encountered. jimmy's dog left it on my freshly shoveled deck. Last night, she (jimmy's hellhound) glared at me, with her fire-red devil eyes reflecting my porch light, while she dropped it.  It is certainly satanic, possibly apocalyptic, definitely unneighborly.  I'm scared. You might consider seeking peace with your God too.