hey raccoon, just because i didn't feel it, doesn't mean it didn't happen

Does no one recognize the signs of a stroke? I had a stroke. I was delirious - no blood was going to my brain! Who would actually think I have a god damn boat? I live under some leaves by a puddle. How could I possibly, instantly, afford a boat named "Get on Bitch!"? What I did do, is spend the last few weeks 100 feet from the library, paralyzed from the neck down, sucking dew off grass blades, thankful nobody mowed me. I should have heard search parties and helicopters, but instead I heard only my own labored breathing. Oh, there was a raccoon that sniffed my ass one day, and a crow that periodically stopped by to see if I was dead yet...FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS! But you, my "friends" are the ones who truly sicken me. I miraculously regained my strength, slowly, on my own, with daily progress I made it back to my leaf pile and once I was able to open a can of Spaghettio's - I knew I was going to be okay. I thought I had done some real deep soul-searching in the slammer, but now I really got to know hate, lying there on the ground, left for dead, by idiots too stupid to recognize the obvious signs of a squirrel in peril. I would like to publicly admit that I did make one "death's door" promise to God while I was face down outside the library. A single heartfelt promise that if he, dear God, got me through this alive, I vowed, I promised, I swore, to stop believing in him.